Smudged
Postman: Is this letter for you? The name is smudged.
Man: No, it can't be for me, my name is Smith.

Sports car
A famous soccer player parked his brand new porsche outside a gift store and went inside to shop.
About ten minutes later a blonde salesgirl ran up to him shouting, "I just saw someone steal your sports car."
"Did you try to stop him?" asked the soccer player.
"No," said the blonde. "I did better than that, I got the registration number of the car!"

Poor man...
The poor guy walks up to the rich guy's house. He's down on his luck and needs some money. He rings the doorbell. "Hi there, I'm down on my luck, need some money, and I was wondering if you have any work I could do for you?" The rich Guy decides to give him a break, and says: "Sure, my porch needs painting. I'll pay you 50 dollars to do it for me." "Sure thing, Mister, I'll get started right away!" Time passes, until... "Hey Mister, I'm all done painting!" "Well, here's your 50 dollars" "Thanks, and by the way, it's a Ferrari, not a Porsche."

Pupils
Have you heard about the teacher who was cross-eyed?
She couldn’t control her pupils!

Two of me
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking there’s two of me.
One at a time please!